Women Need a Man Like a Fish Needs a Vacuum Cleaner

Life without independence will never be a great option for any woman

In previous blogs, I have challenged my female readers to consider thinking more like a man. It is then ironic that I dare use such a provocative statement to introduce this blog.

And of course we women do need men. If there was ever any greater evidence that for every Yin there is a Yang then I am yet to be told of it. Men are our Yin - or would that be Yang.

So many threads in the fabric of our society support the interdependence of men and women; after all there would be no Bonnie without a Clyde, Romeo would not exist without his Juliette, and even Barak Obama attributes the success of his re-election to Michelle Obama! So having set the record straight in regard to the necessary presence of men in our lives, I should begin to clarify my original proclamation.

I love the men in my life!

My independence can in no way exist in some sort of vacuum. While I will never sacrifice my individuality, it is somehow reinforced by the even greater focus I continue to bring to being part of strong and happy relationships with the men in my life. My independence ensures that the love I have for each of them is enriched by the freedoms and choices I have as a secure and confident woman.

This continues to be achieved as I give all I can to these relationships with the knowledge that it comes without any sacrifice to who I believe I am and to what I am striving to become. It is in my interactions with hundreds of women every day that I am horrified to see the total evaporation of their unique personalities. Their entire existence is totally focused on the need to have a man, please a man and to keep a man!

In their desperation to accomplish a partnership or maintain the relationship they have with a man, these women have lost the very essence of who they really are! Their career choices, their appearance, the number of friends they have, the connections they have with their family simply evaporate as they lose that essential connection to themselves.

I am stunned by the number of women I meet who are truly and deeply unhappy with the relationship they have with their men. When I ask them what it is they want to change and what is they are looking for, many simply don't know. They have totally lost track of themselves. It saddens me to hear of the many women who come into my fashion stores for a Personal Styling Session and end up in tears as they rediscover their femininity.

How absolutely atrocious to have a women say, "I have not felt this beautiful for years!"

Of all the goals I have set for myself, it is the message I need to shout from the roof tops that remains my absolute priority… "We women do not need a man!"

We do not need men to;

• Have meaningful relationships and to find great friendships.

• Choose the career path we are passionate about.

• Provide the basic needs of food and shelter.

• To form opinions on a wide range of social and political issues.

• Tell us we look beautiful.

It is with some glimmer of hope that I can begin to see strong messages of independence being sent to our younger women. As much as I hate to reference certain celebrities, I cannot deny some of the greatest messages of independence that are resonating very loudly with our women of the future are being sent by women like; Kim Kardashian, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez.

While many of the messages these women send are to be questioned, at least their determination for absolute independence hold worthy value.

Come on Ladies… We won the right to vote to enable a choice! We are provided maternity leave in recognition of the highest value we place on motherhood! We have equal access to the highest levels of education…and yet so many of us haven't connected the dots! 

You are the power! You are the freedom of choice! You are your own future!

Find yourself, grow yourself and then and only then choose to share yourself with another.

For those who chose to be with a man, take with you to the relationship 100% of who you are. Sure, relationships require compromise but this can never be at the expense of your core values, dreams and beliefs.

Eliminate Emotion and Experience Absolute Efficiency

One of my greatest ongoing challenges is to think more like a man! Oh yes ladies, they can teach us a few things! For me, it is the very black and white manner in which they process their lives. This binary state of mind is applied across the spectrum of their daily actions and behaviours. While I do not wish to adopt this male perspective to my entire life, I certainly try to apply it to all my business dealings.

Oh the efficiencies I achieve when I adopt a logical mind set to deal with the challenges that beset every day of my working life. I would suggest that the collective gain in efficiency in any large business managed predominately by women would be staggering if we could switch on the 'Black and White Thinking' button.

Can we women be wired so differently? Are we really burdened with an emotionally charged operating system that is locked at its maximum analytical setting? Looking for his best example to highlight the differences between women and men in business, my man references the 'roundabout' syndrome.

"Just watch how differently men and women tackle traffic at a roundabout!" he says.
For men, every roundabout is encountered without regard or consideration. They see it as a momentary impediment. They will simply seek the fastest way past the obstacle. Predicting success, they will approach at pace and if necessary create a gap with scant regard for those around them. A brief moment is given to self-congratulation - job done!



Women are very aware of every roundabout they will encounter on each and every journey they take. Slowing with caution they will come to a halt and begin to evaluate, consider and reflect. Those around them will be prioritised and all possible risks will be assessed. Progress will be slow and careful and once through the roundabout their immediate thoughts will be on the next roundabout they are about to encounter.

A sexist beast he may be but his analogy has merit.

A recent experience I had with a female team member captures well my concern over how we women can unnecessarily burden ourselves with 'emotional' flotsam. Stepping into my office in tears, one of my team asked me why I am so angry with her. Confused, I ask just why she is feeling this way. "You are shouting at me in your emails!" Still confused, I ask her to show me just how I had achieved this? Together we looked at the email concerned. The instructions in the email were very direct and I was brief and to the point but... "Look at the message! It is all in capitals!" Yep, there it was, my angry email. I had hit the caps lock and sent the email off without thought or consideration.

I cannot begin to imagine such a moment between two men in business.

Spending the time in the company of so many women at all levels of business, I absolutely know that we all allow emotion to enter our business thinking at some level at some point in our busy day (apologies to Angela Merkle as I must admit to not having spent time in her presence.) I love being a woman and I celebrate my femininity every day. Motherhood is my greatest gift and time spent with my girlfriends is treasured, but in business there is no place for elongated and emotionally saturated analysis and reflection.

Facts, logic and current data drive sound decision making. Yes, there will always be room for gut feelings and instinct, but the elimination of unreasoned concern will reap rewards of efficiency and progress. I see more and more female world leaders demonstrating an unquestionable balance as women who operate with very 'Black and White' management styles. To me, Hillary Clinton best epitomises the perfect balance between achieving the Black and White management style while retaining her femininity. From a distance, even her dealing of the questionable actions of husband Bill Clinton show her ability to measure moments with a cool and controlled approach.

I still have to reset my attitude during my working day. When my emotional compass begins to 'colour up', I close my eyes and smile as I visualise a roundabout. I switch that binary thinking back on and drive though any obstacles that appear before me that day!
Let's celebrate our femininity while adopting that part of the male make-up that can work to our advantage.

"Men are all alike--except the one you've met who's different." Mae West

I am sure she would have a great reference to men!!!!!

Is Being Remarkable Easier Than You Think – Here's 1 Quick Step to Leave Normal Behind

Your remarkable life hides just beneath normality. Learn just how easily you can discover success for you and your family.

I have to confess to misleading the media. I didn't do it intentionally - in fact it wasn't until after the interview that I realised what I had just said. When asked if my success "could be attributed to a special set of skills?" I replied, "I don't think that I am that different from most normal people in business!" The truth is that I have never wanted to be normal. I could not live with myself if my business was just 'normal'. I thrive on challenging normal and cannot imagine not stretching myself in at least ten different directions at once all day every day!

It is here that I would normally use the - "If I am not tripping and falling, then I am not learning!" reference, but it has been pointed out to me that this is a very negative metaphor and doesn't really inspire a lot of confidence. After all, could you imagine Usain Bolt regularly explaining his pathway to successive Olympic gold’s by suggesting that he follows a trip with a fall?

My third book - Rock the Boat - asks the reader to reject 'normal' expectations of themselves and make the changes necessary to achieve their dreams and ambitions. Put simply, thinking and acting normally will achieve very little more than normality. The late great Steve Jobs sought to leave 'normal' behind. Apple has absolutely nothing normal in its business vocabulary. Like so many iconic brands, normal is replaced with remarkable! Ergo, to have a remarkable life you must leave normal behind!

The good news is that a remarkable life is very easy to achieve.  

To get that 'boat rocking' simply apply one positive change to one element of your life at a time.

Is that it you ask? Well no, it isn't.
There are two conditions; the changes you make must be applied consistently. You must make leaving your normal life behind a new habit. Like all great achievers, you practice daily what it is you need to be great at. The second condition is to remove all doubt. New Zealand's top business achievers have one common thread in their success formula… they never doubt their ability to become the very best.

Start your journey to a remarkable life with positive and achievable step changes.

Even the current President of the United States, Barrack Obama, walked to the podium to accept his second term in office one step at a time! If your goal is to achieve great wealth and financial independence, you will still need to move towards this goal in a manageable way. Let me help you begin your journey to a remarkable new life with this simple but amazingly successful business strategy that I have applied since my first day in business.

From the very beginning of this amazing business journey of mine, I knew that time and efficiency were my greatest assets. Both are absolutely free and I can look to call on them at any moment of any day!
You don't need to look for more time in a day, you simply make more time. Every day I wake at 4:30am. In doing so, I have found two hours of quality time every working day to focus on my remarkable life.

That is nearly two extra days a fortnight that I have created and 100% of this extra time is quiet, focused and doubt free.

Now that you have made time, you simply add the efficiency factor. In your new found times of focused endeavor you will discover how clearly your plan of attack becomes. Ensure you prioritise your time wisely for each working day to make sure one or more remarkable life goals are achieved. Remember to start with small goals and work on creating that habit of doubt free success. You will very quickly begin to gain confidence and raise the business or personal life goals bar!

Like so many world beating athletes, you will have put in two hours of highly focused and successful training every working day, all before normal folk have got out of bed! When I look at the wide range of world beaters that have achieved a global presence; Michael Phelps, Sir Richard Branson, Jamie Oliver… I know that they have trained hard but also trained smart. Why not join them?

Whatever your remarkable life looks like, it is just waiting for you to join it. Leave normal behind and look for a pathway to your personal success.

Send me your thoughts - I'll be up early tomorrow looking for your feedback.

Accidental Leadership: Have You Got Justin Bieber Syndrome?

In my second book - Wise Heart - I dedicated a chapter to leadership. I chose the title, 'The Fish Rots from the Head' to emphasize the risk we take when we choose not to lead in business.

Often business leaders find themselves in a position of leadership without planning for it and certainly without preparing to lead with confidence. I call this the Justin Bieber syndrome. Justin Bieber is an extreme example I know, but in living his dream Justin devoted his life to his music and performing. Years of dedication and the clever use of technology enabled Justin to reach stratospheric heights. Every moment of his life is now witnessed by the worlds press. However, little did this superstar realise that he had unwittingly become a leader - a leader to millions of fans who now look to him for key messages and behaviours.

As a business leader you too may not be aware that your team are your fan base. Your successful business now has a set of dedicated people who want to share in your success; consequently you need to be aware that your every move is being watched. To NOT consistently think and behave as a leader you risk allowing your business to 'Rot from the Head'. However, the exciting and refreshing thing about 'Leadership in Business' is that there is no one 'right way' and there is no rule book. Your style is the best style for your business.

Let's face it, if Susan Boyle can be herself and become a super star then so can you.

In my early years of business I tried to replicate every style of leadership the best selling business authors threw at me but each time I began to implement these, I failed miserably. I simply wasn't being true to who I was. I have learnt to trust myself and allow the business to form under my unique leadership style. While trusting yourself is vital there still remain four non negotiable elements of successful leadership and these cannot be ignored!

The first element is ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Accept your role, stand up and stand tall. Wasn't it interesting to see the impact David Beckham had on the London Olympic Games? Far from articulate, Beckham's success as an ambassador arose out of his willingness to accept the role his country needed him to fulfil!

The second is CONSISTENCY. It is essential that your business develops a positive and predicable cadence. You are the conductor so keep the beat steady and predictable. Keep visible and give clear direction at all times.

The third element is EXPOSURE. A good leader knows that they have limitations. Minimise your exposure to your limitations by employing to eliminate any weaknesses. Surround yourself with great people who connect with you and your leadership style.

The fourth is most important - FEARLESS. Be fearless at all times. Hold on to the dream and the passion and keep believing in yourself and your team.

It goes without saying that a great leader recognizes the team need not only to know where they are going but are regularly rewarded for their efforts. Sure this will mean you will share your financial wealth and success with them, but more importantly it also requires that you share your trust in their own leadership qualities. Encourage their growth as leaders, provide feedback on their successes regularly, challenge them to guide, and challenge those who look up to them. After twenty one years of leading a thriving and successful business, I still have to remind myself that strong leadership requires my personal investment every day.

While the return on my investment in continually developing and honing my leadership style has lead to significant financial gains, I am reminded every day of the most important return of all - to walk into the workspace and tangibly see and feel the excitement and passion my team have for their jobs.

I love my business and I love leading the great team I have.

The word "Sexy"… what does it mean to you?

This week’s guest blogger and Annah Stretton head stylist, Nina McGuire discusses what makes women feel sexy and confident. Nina has styled hundreds of women through in store and eventing styling sessions as well shared her keys to looking and feeling fantastic with numerous women’s groups throughout New Zealand and Australia. Nina also has her own blog where she shares the latest on fashion and style and teaches us how to love ourselves. You can read more of her blog posts here http://bit.ly/13EXmBP

As women, let’s face it we all want to have a feeling of being sexy. After a styling appointment I often ask ladies how they feel now after being correctly dressed. The most common response is sexy and confident.

So time to ask yourself…what makes you feel sexy? I myself have two:
-My fingernails. If they are not looking perfect I don’t hold my wine glass the same, I hide my hands. I simply don’t feel right.
-And secondly, brushing my teeth before bed. I know, it’s sad but true even when waking up alone I don’t want morning breath!

The most obvious thing that makes women feel sexy is being confident. These two things always go hand in hand, hence the importance of finding your personal "thing". I decided to ask a few ladies what makes them feel sexy -what their "thing" is. Here are the responses I got:
-matching underwear
-positive mindset
-eyelashes
-high heels
-animal print
-Egyptian cotton sheets
-Fragrance - either with perfume, candles, or a whiff of a man’s scent!
I actually have to admit I agree with ALL of these!!
Sexy is not and I repeat NOT only a "bedroom" thing - look at the sexiest woman around... Nigella Lawson - a very voluptuous bluebell. She bakes muffins and feels sexy!!

Nigella Lawson

So girls your Friday night to do list...Take off your flatties, throw on your heels, spray on some perfume, paint your nails and pour yourself a glass of bubbles! Bring your sexy back!

To Give Up or Go On? How To Turn a Struggling Business into an Overnight Success

Over the last three weeks I have had several requests from the team as to what was happening in one of our lower performing stores. For three weeks now this store had featured high up in our top 10 and is only getting stronger and stronger.

“Is there a conference in town, a senior manager in store, styling appointments, events or high teas going on?” I was asked… “This is incredible and whatever it is that creates this effect, you should bottle it”.

None of the above … the answer is simple. It was a total mind shift by our manager.

The manger started her role with us a couple of years ago in one of our smaller North Island stores, and there she was a rock star! Week after week she returned figures well above the norm for a rural environment and as with any great girl, she polarized people. Most loved her but a few found her love of the brand and her desire to see the whole town in our frocks a little overwhelming (I loved it).

Nearby, a larger store was struggling and had been for a while so we relocated our rockstar in to get things moving. We figured if she could sell so well in a small town with a population of 3000, imagine what she'd do in a city with a 100,000 population. Whenever she'd filled in in this store in the past, she'd certainly showed us that the figures were there, as she was extremely capable.

So she eventually relocated. We collaborated with Phoenix Cosmetics to give her the superstore she deserved and we thought we would be cooking with gas.

But something went wrong, as it never took off in the way we wanted. Sure there were some okay weeks but nothing that showed a trend of growth and it all became a bit perplexing… What had happened to our rock star?

Sure we believed in her. We knew she had a great store and was good at selling but somehow she didn't feel this anymore.

A lot of my recent calls with her had become about excuses. I heard all about why she couldn't make it work… we needed new signage to herald the collaboration, our sizing was too big, nothing fitted her so therefore her customers, the partime team were weak and even non-existent.

She was simply focusing on the wrong things...

The manager and this store had become all about what was wrong, what she couldn't do and the problem was more about us… not with her.

I certainly know that if I want more money or if something isn't working then it is up to me to fix it. The fault will always be with me. I can't put my hand out and ask for a pay rise… I have to look at how I can earn it!

 Know this and live and breathe it…. (I certainly do).

So what really changed for this store and its manager and what will this mean that this store will not falter going forward?

There’s a few things:

• The manager, after taking on an underperforming horse (she has an innate love of horse riding) got it to the top of its game after everyone said she couldn't 
• She backed herself. She now knew she could do anything she set out to do so she relooked at what she could achieve in the store.
• Her partner returned to study so she became the main breadwinner so she suddenly saw that there was a way she could make more money… light bulb moment
• She had a great sale to one customer and saw once again that she really was good at this. She re found her sales MOJO 
• We found a great partimer, she trained her and they make an awesome team
• And in her words… she loves the brand and the culture that this company has

The top 5 things I can’t do without…

Ask anyone the five things they can't do without and I know you'd get pretty similar answers. At the end of the day, we humans, no matter how well off or impoverished we are have three basic needs… 

A successful and happy life will need an abundance of these.
It really doesn't matter how successful we are in business or life, if we don't have our health, we don’t have anything at all. This is brought home to me every day as I watch my aging work force deal with the challenges in their immediate environments.

So what is really important? What is left if we truly have nothing?

Yes you guessed it - it’s the simple stuff… not the financial stuff (how much money we have). It’s all about love and connection, no matter how high up the ladder of success you sit, these things will be just as important as they were when you had nothing at all. As well as myself I have asked seven of my colleagues to contribute to this blog.

Read on…and I’d love to hear from you your five most important things…

Annah Stretton

1. My Saturday Skype call to my daughter, Sam in the Cayman Islands

2. The first cuddle of the day at 5am with my white boxer dog, Paris... I love the way she smells

3. My iPhone. It stores my life in abbreviated form. It holds all my ‘to do’ lists, contacts and all my dreams and screams in planning form.

4. My 5am coffee. Thankfully it’s a real one although my coffee skills are a little rough at that time of the morning.

5. A daily supply of almonds and dried paw paw to stave of the hunger pains I get during the day.

Tina Cross

1. A long macchiato (maybe more than one)

2. Exercise (either a gym workout or a fast walk)

3. My vitamins and supplements (morning and night)

4. Singing or listening to music

5. My laptop and iPhone... impossible to get through the day without these things. Whatever happened to the good old days?

Nikki Kaye

1. Large trim latte + two sugars (contradictory but essential)

2. Daily run (for stress release)

3. Cheesy music (favourites include Eye of the Tiger)

4. Daily dose of Facebook and news sites (a prerequisite)

5. Indestructible suitcase of ministerial reading (and occasionally something lighter)

Mai Chen

1. A hug from my family

2. Two spoons of Vital Greens – nutrient rich for the time poor

3. Exercise outside

4. Learn something new and interesting and fresh

5. Sleep

Molly Bedingfield

1. Connecting with family and friends

2. Time and space to reflect and recharge

3. Good music

4. Exercise

5. Lipstick

Tony Falkenstein

1. Reading the hard copy of the NZ Herald

2. Doing my Pilates

3. My raw nuts in a jar on my desk

4. My mobile phone

5. Email access

Mike Pero

1. Contact with my wife

2. My iPhone

3. Email access

4. My credit cards

5. Coffee

Tim Alpe


1. Skype: When you have a business spread across 3 countries and staff across 5 countries you need to be in communication. I will never be the “undercover boss” who goes into discover they know nothing about the people in their business.

2. Exercise: Need to get at least 20 minutes in each day to get to my peak performance. It is amazing how much more productive you are when you get the blood pumping.

3. Talking to the Kids: I travel a lot but regardless of where I am in the world there will not be a day that goes by without a SKYPE or phone call to Amy and the Kids. JUCY is my baby but my family is my life.

4. Checking the bookings: I am addicted to seeing how the businesses are going and will look at the previous days booking for the Rentals, Hotels and Cruize each day.

5. A drink: There is nothing like a glass of Pinot or a Beer at the end of a day (provided I have earned it). If I do the other 4 things shown above I can then have a drink (or 2).