Courage under fire

Last week I was the recipient if a varmint email attack through a faceless platform. It’s always the best way for these cowards as they lack the balls to do it any other way. It was an interesting moment, as I really had to catch my breath for a second and consider what I might have done to make someone react this way.

Whilst I will never been able to pinpoint the exact catalyst of these attacks, I am always ready to consider the contents, no matter how unpalatable. It is however at these moments that you can feel completely alone as it’s not about seeking condolence and affirmation that I am a good person from those around you, it’s about reflecting on the contents to establish whether there are any lessons to be learnt!

In that day alone, along with this email, I dealt with hundreds of positive moments, along with a gift from a small autistic boy that I had spent time with whose dream was to enter a wearable arts / fashion competition and haven’t I always been one to preach from my podium that that the higher up the food chain you manage to leverage yourself the more you will polarize peoples opinion of you.

So why is it so hard to take this type of attack? I mean, if failure is better than success, and surely I have failed in this person eyes, then isn’t it about the learnings? I suppose it’s just because the content is so personal (the human factor).

I’m well aware that I have my supporters along with those that believe they have good reason to dislike me. So it will always be about my own assessment of my behaviour on an ongoing basis; not about what others say. It’s what I feel after a moment of interaction especially as I have always prided myself in being able to have the tough conversations. So when I encounter these situations I automatically ask myself 3 things:

1. Is this response reasoned?

Is someone trying to make a cogent, logical argument to forward their opinion and change mine, or are they simply trying to offload an emotional garbage bag over my head?

If the answer is yes it is reasoned, then I am likely to pay attention to the contents of the email. If it’s ‘no’, then it speaks to me of the maturity of the poison pen and what the motives really were, merely to seek revenge.

2. Does the reasoning resonate with me?

Next I ask myself honestly, does the reasoning resonate with me and could I have done better? I treat every opportunity as learning and have trained myself to not take things personally. Though I do admit to being caught off guard and we all are sometimes. At this stage I will often visualize how I could have done things differently to have gotten a better outcome and remind myself that exchanges and relationships are always about trying to achieve positive outcomes, even when the exchange might be to deliver some inevitable bad news. Delivering it professionally and humanely might be the positive outcome.

3. People are People

Finally I remind myself to stay strong, as there will always be more coming and often it really isn’t something I have done. People are people.

Daily, in a business sense and I suppose on a personal front, there will be those that I upset, that interpret a comment I have made incorrectly or hear some feedback that causes them to form an opinion on me.

I can’t stop or change this. Technology has made me even more vulnerable and given the perpetrators never had balls anyway, to attack without name is perfect for them.

So how easy is it to move on as this won’t be the last time I get attacked on this platform or any other?

I can’t help but reflect on what it must be like to stand on the political podium (no wonder their opinions are often so diluted) and what about the recent sporting successes and failures… yep we all have opinions on these as well.

It has to be about moving forward and in the words of Helen Clark, ‘you simply can’t change what has happened in the past. You can however review how you would play a scenario should you encounter it again’.

We live and learn and that, to me has to be the real key to success.