Am I a good mother or bad one... how do you know?

What is the yard stick of measurement?

And when do you truly know to cut the apron strings?

Help! My newly graduated son, the one that I have supported for the last 22 years, has just told me that he's not cut out for work... And I'm left wondering where the hell did I go wrong?

My daughter on the other hand is the complete opposite apart  from some grubby bedroom habits. When she's working, she is a great employee giving well beyond expectations.

I suppose the twenty four million dollar question is... when to cut the funding for both kids???

How much money spoils the child verses advances the child...

I absolutely know that my work ethnic came from the absolute lack of money available to me in my early years.

I was working at 15 years of age, night after night in a local restaurant and I don't think that I have ever really not worked except the 8 months that I took off when I had my first child, Sam. But then this time possibly  doesn't count as I was running and working at a local restaurant that my sister and I co-owned.

In fact my work habits make my son's look positively non-existent. Is it just a generational thing or have I failed miserably as a mother?

I reflect on the students fresh out of tertiary institutions that seek jobs with my company.

Firstly, the badly prepared CVs, then the underprepared interview, coupled with a comme ci, comme ca attitude that doesn't show any real urgency to secure work.

No wonder 27% of them are unemployed or unemployable as is the case of my son, as I certainly know the digital space that we operate in at the moment lends itself to youth recruitment. It's just finding ones that fit and want to work that's the difficult thing.

It's true that my role as mum to my two kids has a few years to run yet, it's certainly has hadits rewards and its challenges and I'm sure there's more of both to come as they marry and start their adult lives and families.

I guess I have to hope that the values I instilled will be as important to them as they are to me.

After all, surely we are all ultimately a product of our environment and life is about the way we connect with others. As Mark Twain so famously said, it wasn't until he had left the education system that the real learning began...

Leaving the legacy in life rather than in death

The last few months have truly been my annus horribilis but I guess that… 

 if it doesn’t kill you, it simply makes you stronger!!! 

I truly now see death as a very real part of the daily lives that we live and given I seem to have been surrounded by it in the last few months I certainly have had time to reflect on how to cope and move forward and make some changes in my life.
I wanted to share some of these thoughts via this blog.

There have been so many wonderful people that have surrounded and supported me during this difficult time and I certainly see that we all deal so differently with loss and challenges.
Whether it be the loss of a pet or a human, it will always be about the level of connection and relationship that you had, rather than whether it is human or animal... so I guess it’s okay to compare.
  

Planning my father's funeral last week certainly gave me some wonderful insights to the industry of death and some points of reflection that I'd like to pass on…

There is truly no point to hurry to get someone to their final destination; burnt or buried.
It is important to take time. Often in celebrating the life that is gone we will fail to do justice to the life they have had, so why rush the process; especially amidst our grief.
Our family decided to take 10 days to plan Dad’s funeral and each and every day new things came to the fore that in turn became part of the celebration of Dad's life.
It gave us time to involve all those that had been close to him in the funeral planning process, seek out some wonderful images of the life that he'd enjoyed to show on the day and consider the content of the order of service (which we added to constantly). So many of the family were able to visit Dad in the funeral home and say a final goodbye.
I was honoured to deliver the main eulogy. This also grew every day with new content and memories as the family had endless conversations on the man he was to us and these continued throughout the week.
I honestly believe that we did an excellent job of celebrating who Dad was to so many and enabling all that were close to him to contribute to the ultimate farewell.

Other thoughts that I have had have been driven by the reading of Dad’s Will. Sure he has left us all a small nest egg but one that he will never get to see us all spend and enjoy. He will never share any of the milestones that are earned from the money that he has shared on his death.

I am a big believer of leaving the legacy in my lifetime and looking at how the income that I have generated can perhaps help others that surround and are important to me while I am alive.
I am loving being part of the fruits of this, seeing the very real achievements, milestones and successes of those that I have decided to assist.
Sure I will always need to be aware of my time frame on this earth, making sure that I endeavour to provide for this and others that I will need to look after but there are many of us that could chose to make a bigger difference in our lifetime than we are now by sharing some of our time knowledge and available income… certainly worth giving it some thought!

So what does a lesbian look like?

Major catwalk wedding to dispel stereotypes

“Does a woman have to have a stereotype look to fit the gay mould?”
This is the question New Zealand based fashion designer, Annah Stretton asks as she aims to quash stereotypes associated with female same-sex couples. 
Through her campaign, Come on Oz, Say I Do, Annah has offered one female couple the opportunity to join in her crusade to celebrate the new legalisation that enables same sex couples to marry in New Zealand from the 19th of August this year and encourage the politicians to make the same law change in neighbouring Australia. 
Brooklyn Edwards and Nicole Dean have been announced as the winners and will be married on the catwalk as part of Annah’s New Zealand Fashion Weekend show.
The couple were picked from a huge entry pool of same sex women and on September 7^th will be married in front of 1000 guests at the Viaduct Events Centre in Auckland.
“In choosing Brooklyn and Nicole, amongst other things, I wanted to dispel the stereotypes around what a female gay couple should look like,” Annah explains. “Brooklyn and Nicole look like any other girly girls – they do not take on a masculine and feminine role as is often believed of gay female couples.”
Brooklyn agrees saying, “We have been criticized by people for not looking ‘cliché gay’. We think it’s ridiculous to follow stereotypes. Gay people can present themselves any way they wish. There isn’t a code that dictates how we should look! For example people think it’s odd that we are both feminine.”
Annah believes that with these stereotypes there are often preconceived ideas around why women choose to be in same-sex relationships.
“Some people think that women ‘turn gay’ because of a bad experience with a male or men simply finding them unattractive. Brooklyn and Nicole are the perfect couple to dispel this. 
We were looking for a couple that had been in a relationship for a good length of time, who were committed and had a strong future ahead of them. Brooklyn and Nicole are perfect ambassadors for what we are wanting to achieve both with the fashion show and the messages we want to send. Any man would be more than happy to be in a relationship with either of these gorgeous women.”
Victoria based, Brooklyn owns modelling agency, Brazen Talent and her American fiancé, Nicole, who works in client services at a finance company have been together for nearly 3 years.
“We actually fell in love before we saw each other in person,” says Brooklyn who tells how the couple met on the same-sex American dating site, Pink Cupid.
In March 2013, despite not being legally permitted to marry in Australia the pair became engaged.
“Both of us dated guys our whole lives and tried very hard to make that work but deep down we both knew we were meant to be with women,” Brooklyn explains. “We were miserable with men as we tried to be people we weren’t. Both of us were scared of what people would think and we wanted to be ‘normal’.
With the help of Brooklyn and Nicole, Annah’s absolute goal is to change the stigma that attaches to gay females in relationships.
“I have worked alongside women who have chosen to keep their sexuality a secret because they know they will be disadvantaged in their business and life connections. Gay men simply don’t have this problem. They are accepted for their same sexual preferences yet many women still find it very difficult to come out fearing the prejudices 
“It’s time to change these preconceived ideas that attach to gay women in relationships – across their social circles, workplaces and families.”

About Come on Oz, Say I do
'Come on Oz, Say I do,' is a campaign launched by New Zealand fashion designer Annah Stretton in-conjunction with Fashion Weekend, to help Australia say 'I do' at this year’s coming election. In a wedding to top all weddings, Annah is giving one lucky female same sex Australian couple a wedding of their dreams on the catwalk at Fashion Weekend in front of a crowd of 1000 fashionistas and supporters of same sex marriage this coming September 7th.   
For more information visit www.comeonoz.com
Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/comeonozsayido
For more about Annah Stretton visit: www.annahstretton.com
View Annah on the catwalk here http://bit.ly/14XQWxH

Why my father is boycotting Gillette

Can one voice really make a difference?  And are we ever really one voice with the massive amount of digital reach that can occur when one is passionate about a cause?

I am not so sure in my father’s case, where at nearly 80 years of age and well and truly ensconced in a rest home, he's decided to grow a beard. Yep, it certainly doesn’t have the Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean effect, although the length seems to be heading that way. The reason? He's decided that Gillette’s 2005 sale to Proctor and Gamble at a princely sum of $57 billion (USD) is simply too much money by anyone’s terms, so he's decided to stop buying their product and consequently stop shaving. The caregivers at the home aren't too fussed … just another job they don't have to do.

It’s unusual to look at my father with a beard. I don't think he's ever had one and I possibly suspect that it’s more about it being just a lot easier not to have to go through the whole shaving drama twice a week.

 At Dad's age, his absolutely principled stands are more endearing than anything else. I have many memories of him taking to the public platform to air his voice, his vehicle of choice often his local paper, and they obliged many times by publishing the musings of a frustrated academic in their letters to the editor. 

Check this extract out ... it certainly makes you think.

‘John Key as I suggest, is under stress traveling around the country trying to be everyone’s friend. His comments that Liz Hurley is hot and prancing on the catwalk, are strange for a Prime Minister. In addition, he wants to sell our prime assets to overseas buyers and wants to restrict access for Kiwis to our beaches. He defends the purchase of 34 $200,000 BMW'S which is grossly extravagant in regard to the economy. He says living on the employment benefit can be done. Frankly, I think he has lost the plot. I wonder what is coming next.’

I suppose most people simply get on and accept the status quo, rarely putting a voice to their thoughts as one women did the other day when she emailed me to express her disgust with the gollywog dolls that I had for sale on my website ... not that I'd given too much thought to them as they certainly weren't a revenue earner for us, a passing fancy many months ago and I can't even remember why I bought them.

I suppose my actions in deleting them from the site where more in reward to her tenacity. They offended her and I really didn't need them ... good on her for finding her voice.  

My only comment in retrospect would be when you do pluck up the courage to approach someone to drive a change, try data and reason first, and never threaten or issue an ultimatum. You will get a much better result.

 So one voice can't make a difference? I’m not so sure about that. If you are going to eat an elephant, and the proposed dogs and party pill testing in NZ that I am so passionate about surely is an elephant, then take one bite at a time. And that's exactly what all those impassioned NZers are doing, as they take to all of the available platforms to express their support and disgust. 

So you don't have to be in the Branson club to drive real change, you simply have to be passionate about the cause, remember to find your voice and never be afraid to use it, always be informed (get the facts) and don't give a damn what others will think!

We can't all belong to the shrinking violets club. 

People who think that they are crazy enough to change the world are often the ones that do.

A woman of Influence

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aung_San_Suu_Kyi

A woman of Influence

Before I started to think exactly what this meant to me, I, possibly like you, attributed such a title to the women I saw plastered all over the covers of magazines like Vogue or Elle.

Our vulnerable and impressionable youth are no doubt a lot more influenced by Kim Kardashian than Aung San Suu Kyi - Burmese activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Each year, Forbes list the most powerful women in the world - a list that has changed significantly in its mix even in the past five years.

Beyonce, ranked 17th this year, did not make the cut in 2008.

It seems that the evaluative tools that measure the ability of others to influence us are constantly being reassessed. 

In her time, Margaret Thatcher's influence on the people of Britain could never be questioned. Baroness Thatcher changed the behaviours and lifestyles of communities that had been established over many generations. Many would suggest she used more than influence to make this happen.

In our time, it is the wife of a great leader that is exhibiting huge influence over the communities of America.  Michelle Obama will perhaps influence the lives and wellbeing of more families than her husband’s policy change on social issues such as health and welfare.

What influence can you and I have then? Without extreme wealth, power or media exposure, do we have any influence at all?

Nelson Mandela has risen to heights beyond imagination as one of the world’s most influential people ever! Yet his journey began from a position of little wealth, and action of absolute purity and sacrifice.

In such a vivid spectrum of influence where do we normal beings place ourselves?

The reality is that if you are reading this at the end of a busy day you would have already influenced the many people you have interacted with.

We are all a consequence of the environment we exist in, the experiences we have daily and the values of those we interact with regularly.

I am never prepared for the way my children speak when they are with their friends.  I simply cannot understand what they are saying. So much for the private school education!!!

I believe that all women as mothers have a keen sense of the influence they have over their own children and I am not referring just to the obvious genetic influences either.

My children's table manners, their approach to solving challenges, their aspirations and even their fashion sense are irrevocably imprinted by me.

As I witness young mothers engaging with their young children I can tangibly sense the significant level of responsibility that they all acknowledge and adhere to with their new role.

Their maternal 'second sense' recognizes the ultimate role of influence that they play for their children.

Given the scope of my interaction with other women every day, I can never escape the responsibility I have as a woman of influence.  My values, the experience I create and the environment I provide are all working to influence my team.

Like a new mother, I cannot escape what is a really tangible role of influencer.

Wow! So not only do I have to make my business keep working but I have to consider the manner in which I achieve success?  The short answer… if I give a damn… is YES!

I really don't see Kim Kardashian giving a damn! Do you? 

And this is where the real test of influence kicks in.  For those who make any 'women of great influence' list, they do have to be aware of the associated responsibility their position holds.

Just as a good mother recognizes instinctively her new responsibilities, a woman of influence is very aware of why she does what she does!

Quite simply then, as soon as you acknowledge your key role(s) and responsibilities, you begin to influence your family, your relationships, your peers and yourself.

That we begin to influence family etc… in positive ways as earlier it is mentioned that we influence anyway just through our daily interactions, whether we acknowledge our roles or not…

You are that women of influence!

Now get out there and make a difference!

5 Things You Must do this Winter

1. Plan a mid winter break there are so many great deals...and the pacific is quick and easy to get to, even Brisbane and the Gold Coast is worth another look...warmer temps really do lift the mood. My favourite has to be Pacific Resort Aitutaki.

2. Invest in a great coat - I love the snuggly feeling and often find it hard to shed even when inside. There are so many great deals on at the moment…go online have a look and high tail it to your nearest store. Buy your favourite coat at a tiny price.



3. Switch to red wine, we have so many great syrah's and pinots in this country and now is the time to enjoy them. Try, Vidals 2009 Syrah, at the moment you can pick it up at most New World’s for a tiny price and it is divine.

4. Be okay about a couple of extra kg’s this winter. Enjoy comfort food - soups, roasts, hot puddings, now is the best time. If you live in Auckland or Hamilton give www.myfoodbag.co.nz a go…I’m loving it!

5. Use the weekends to catch up on all the movies that you never get to watch... Now is the time. Bleak weather outside, a warm fire inside, comfy couch to curl up on…the best way to while away a Sunday...

People do Business with People they Like

After meeting with someone for the first time, I can quickly tell you whether I like them or not.
Curiously, I often can't remember what it was that they may have said to help me make this decision but I can remember how they made me feel.

We all identify with likable people. Some individuals can even be likable while being very naughty - we can all relate to the characters often played by Hugh Grant. Their almost fiendishly bad behaviour is overlooked because of their innate likability. Even if you don't naturally have the gift of being charismatic or a likable rogue - everyone can benefit at some level from just being 'business friendly'!

 I am very comfortable to have developed strong friendships from business relationships. Many of my suppliers have remained in my business-sphere for over twenty years. Sure, they have run strong and successful businesses so they have remained viable business partners, but they have also managed their business with me in a positive and transparent manner. I simply like them as people first and choose to do business with them as a consequence.

Interestingly, 'being nice' can be difficult. Even if you believe you are putting out positive messages, you may be surprised to find that these messages are not working at all. The character, Bree Van der Camp from Desperate Housewives is a case in point. Her positive actions always seemed clipped and tainted with expectation… she certainly didn't resonate as strongly as the lovable and likable Susan Mayer - although her behaviour in the series was hardly exemplary! Being prepared to be likable in business becomes second nature if your focus remains on the people you interact with. Taking time to acknowledge them as individuals and not just business owners is a simple moment but a very powerful one. 

Equal effort on keeping both the business dealings smart and the business relationship warm will return huge benefits for both parties.
How powerful was the message just last week when two of the most important men on the planet sat just inches from each other. While neither Barack Obama nor Vladimir Putin spoke a word, the global audience observed a business relationship that was going nowhere fast. Of course, like all failing relationships, if a common goal and trust are absent then there is little hope of the relationship growing at all.

In my business relationships, trust must sit firmly atop the like-ability. Trust is the absolute foundation of any positive business relationship and for me to remain 'in-like' with any business owner, I need to be able to trust them 100% of the time. So, sorry there can be no likable rogues in my business dealings - not even if it was Hugh Grant himself.

So how do I ensure I promote myself as likable in my business relationships? For me, the greatest challenge is to make myself available. I know just how positively I react when business owners take time to make contact with me directly. I don't want to talk with the sales manager - I want to talk with the person who has built the business up from scratch. I feel respected and significant as a client when this happens. Therefore, I must give time and effort when establishing new business relationships. Many of my team are far more capable and would bring a lot more relevance to a business deal, but my investment of time and effort in establishing a new business relationship is vital to the connectivity and respect factors.

I recently had one of my New Zealand factory owners appear at my office door. He regularly visits our Head Office but I had never met him. He wanted to meet me in person to thank me for the work we were providing him. Just a small moment in a very busy day but my reaction to this man and his business since has been very strongly modified as a consequence of his efforts to make himself known to me in person. His business now has a face, a personality and a tone of respect and honour. Even after this short interaction I connected, I like who he is and to top it off, the work his team completes is 'top notch'. Good business with a very likable man!

In business there may not always be room for compromise but there should definitely be room for warmth and humility.
Business can have greater benefits than just profits. While you must expect efficiency, dignity and integrity from your business partners, why not invest some time to find out more about who they are as people?

Now how do we get Obama and Putin to the next level of friendly business?