Stress… why I hate the word

What is this stress thing about? It’s become an epidemic. We can even get unlimited paid employment leave for it and it must be one of the hardest conditions for any doctor to diagnose. Sadly, it appears to more weighted towards women, and believe me, I see some brilliant examples of it each and every day.

I watch women, from all vocations, work themselves and their teams into absolute tail spins over stuff that is 90% solvable and if it’s not solvable and the majority of the negative effect can't be reversed, then there are always other solutions and other pathways forward that can be taken.

Quietly sorting through the issue is vastly preferable to the absolute drama that sometimes results and which ends up taking everyone in its path with it, the anger, the subsequent negative behaviors and the broken team relationships, are so bloody pointless. What was actually achieved beyond then venting?

Everything can be sorted at some level. Sure, some things happen that are not great but if they occur they occur and people will always stuff up (it’s the human element) in the process, but remember that a lot that is good comes from that which initially seems bad. We can and do learn from mistakes. 

Let’s simplify … stress really is the gap between what you ‘feel’ you are being asked to do and what you ‘believe’ you can deliver. In the gap lies stress.

So to solve this you simply have to a) clarify exactly what you are being asked to do b) investigate all possible pathways forward and c) take some action. A + B + C = PROGRESS.

Let’s be clear. It is exhausting being emotional. People who constantly use the word stress are usually those that baulk at the first hurdle! They often don't take time to assess exactly how high the hurdle really is, let alone look for a way over or even around the hurdle.

No one should ever need to use the word ‘stress’ in a work sense. Try, expressing the problem in non-emotive terms – “in delivering this request I have identified a resource deficit and this is what it is…here’s what I suggest as a solution….
Yep this is a lot closer to the truth and a much better message to send and it moves the task out of the highly emotive ‘personal crisis’ area into ‘pro-active problem solving’ to do list. Sometimes it also is just that you feel you are not coping…..this does not equate to failure and even if it did, there is no stigma in failing; it’s a healthy part of living life.

Truly not coping, which is the outward manifestation of dealing with underlying issues, whether on a personal front or at work, may lead to some serious medical problems and I've witnessed the many victims that have had health challenges through not managing a moment well; depression, cancers, skin allergies and reactions etc.

Stuff happens and often it will be up to us to work through it and solve it. 

So go forth sister, breathe, take a chill pill, relax and try to think creatively around a solution. You will be all the better for achieving it and believe me, you will get there in the end - persistence pays off!

Million for a Million

Making a stand to reduce the weight of the 3rd fattest nation... yep that's us!

Black and White Thinking

I am continually dealing with the hidden agendas of women that come at you from the most obscure directions.

It's time for women to start thinking in a more black and white way!

Women continue to undermine each other and themselves in the commercial/corporate environment by simply just being deliberately destructive and obstructive.

We are the masters of avoidance but, in practicing this, we are not adverse to letting all but the source know exactly how we feel!

The hidden agenda has to be the biggest bane of my life; women who sit in front of you discussing one issue, with absolute knowledge of their total lack of intent to act on any of it.

When will they learn that business is just business? It is never personal!

People with hidden agendas tend to get very upset when you do not become engaged or enraged. They want to shift the conversation to the emotional and the personal.

 

As an employer, your responsibility is to keep it impersonal and focused on facts (always have the data). That's an excellent first step.

Leaving Your Job

Make clear the decision to leave is about you, not everyone else or the company. This is your choice, justifiable as you feel it is. Above all, be professional. NZ is small and people talk. It's okay to depart for the right reasons .. the wrong ones present the problem. The great thing for most employees is that you tend to lose very few of the great team members for the wrong reason. They are great because of their ability to communicate when a challenge arises, not just chuck in the towel .

Reality check, rather than continue to move on from roles,( never a great look on the CV ) try communicating as to any challenges you may have. The result may surprise you and prevent unnecessary change for both employer and employee.

From time to time we will witness a disgruntled employee, usually one who has failed to deliver on what they said they could achieve, telling anyone that will listen of their decision to leave and any perceived challenges they have with the company. So, what a pleasant surprise it was recently to have a departure with a record sales week and a fabulous attitude to boot and one worthy reference earned as well.

 

It seriously is time for women to adapt a much more black and white perspective in their business model, whether an employer or employee. There is no room for emotion in the business environment. It simply wastes too much time and is extremely counter-productive as well as being incredibly bad for your health.

Now is the time to learn the true art of communication, tackle issues at the source, have a clear agenda of what you want to achieve and clearly communicate this. If you think you're worth more money and seek a pay rise, work with the right person to achieve this, think about what you can add to your existing role and sell yourself to your employer.

For a company to pay you more, you need to bring more to the role. Pay increases are not something that happen each year as a divine employee right. You need to earn them. Remember, until a job's worth more than the money, it will never pay more; meaning that a great attitude goes a long way in a business. Consider the position of your employer, unless they do something differently, or create a new opportunity, their company revenue take is unlikely to change; therefore the converse should work for the employee.

Clairvoyance will never be my strong suit, so why is it that so many interact with me as if it is? In doing so, we truly determine our own destiny in both the workplace and our outside environment. Therefore, don't look to others to second guess what position you wish to take on any issue or challenge you may face. Take control of your own pathway and practise communicating in a very black and white way and you'll surprise yourself with the results.

 

The first time I met Annah was at the Her Business network meeting in Palmerston North about four years ago. I was initially impressed with the way she spoke with amazing confidence and then what she had to say surprised me a little to start. The main message I heard from that first meeting was to "think more like a man in business". Basically take the emotions out of our decisions especially when it came to staff. I thought to myself "if I could do that it would certainly help". I initially started the process by saying to myself "what would a man do in this situation"? Four years on after a lot of practise I am now so proud that I have fully adopted Black and White thinking and I don't even have to think about it! I believe it's one of the key ingredients that has led to my success. I know we all think we're good a multi-tasking but it's not until you truly adopt black and white thinking that you realise that women are not very good multi-taskers at all. In fact, I've recently learnt that the brain can only cope with one thing at a time

- and to think we've bagged our husbands for years for not being able to multi-task! I mean when you really think about it - how can you be thinking of 10 different things at the same time and do them all well!  If I was not fully embracing black and white thinking while developing my new business - The Motel Guru I would've been an absolute wreck by now and certainly wouldn't have a happy family.

Wise Heart - Fabulous! It's nice to read a book from a successful New Zealander. I've read many success books and most are about successful people in other countries and usually men. How nice that we have a successful business woman here in NZ who is willing to share her ideas to help us succeed. The key message I took from Wise Heart - again one that has changed my life - is that it's ok to "want" to be a business woman and a mum. Prior to reading Wise Heart I struggled with this as my second daughter was only 13months old and I wanted to be back working again. I've learnt that by being a successful business woman it has enabled me to be a fantastic mum.

I enjoy both roles just as much as the other but again I come back to Black and White thinking. When I'm working which is Monday through til Thursday I've a business woman. When I'm mum which is Friday through til Sunday I'm mum. I don't check emails or text messages or even think about my business at all, my time is devoted to my beautiful girls. If I get up early while they're sleeping I'll check emails etc but if that doesn't happen I'm ok with that as I'm quite happy to tell my clients that those are my mum days, plus I now have a fantastic assistant that works the days I have off so our clients are getting the instant service they have come to expect.

 Annah, I would like to thank you for taking the time to meet with me those years ago and for being there for me through my journey to success.  Keep standing up for what you believe in, even if you feel it falls on deaf ears sometimes. I put my success down to a number of factors and you are certainly at the top of my list!

Stephanie

My favourite things

Fashion Week. Who really cares?

Yep, another week has passed and the stand out show for me had to be Phoenix and her extravaganza. Her theme was all the movies that we love from Flashdance to Dirty Dancing and so many more. It really was one hell of a production from one so very young. I actually forget how short of years she is (just a couple of years older than my daughter), especially as I get to liaise with her most days in our collaborative capacity. She truly is one very capable woman and I saw this again this week. Facebook and the internet are peppered with great moments from her show.

Fashion Week… A necessary evil or not? Do we need it to showcase the brand each year and get it back into the forefront of our customer's minds or should we simply stage a similar event that showcases our in-season collection to the many women who love the brand? I, for one, am so over the jibes and negative reviews that make reference to our customer base, the perceived positioning of the label and capability of the design.

Reality check. All of us have a hand writing that has a fit with the market. To not do so would see us fail! Surely we can all co-exist in harmony without the yardstick of measurement as to who is truly fashion and who is not. I mean, shouldn't the individual be the judge? Surely it has to all be about the consumer rather than the designer.

It is frustrating to see yet another reference that labelled my show guests as 'Matamata women'. What is that all about? And considering that none of them came from Matamata, I can only assume that women from this region look different to others? Really what a crock of self-absorbed shit!

"Thursday 7.00 pm Annah Stretton I didn't make this one but as I was leaving I saw lots of ladies arriving from Matamata. She has a very loyal customer base. It was a twenty year retrospective including the infamous taxidermied boar's head taken out of retirement to walk the runway on a model's head once more."

http://www.thread.co.nz/news/6734/83/Fashion-Week-2012-Day-Three/d,thread-article

This year I approached Fashion Week with very little anticipation. Sure, it's great to work with our collaborative partners and thank our VIPs that attend the show, but in an environment such as this, maybe not.

The whole feeling this year was one of mild disinterest from the organizers and given the amount that we pay, surely some customer love wouldn't go astray.

We have little need for the international delegates that were apparently lacking in so many of the designers' eyes, hence the rapid and on-going attrition of so many of them. Maybe designers such as ourselves become a pathway forward. God knows, Trellise's shows keep increasing year after year.

And it is also doubtful as to how much everyone pays to show on this platform. The sliding scale of payment being dependent on the brand desirability is a huge cause for concern by participants such as myself, as it's definitely not a level fee paying field. But then I suppose it's all attaching to levels of desirability and the business one's brand will attract to the event. Hmm enough discourse as to what this event is and isn't as with anything in life, it's all about what you make of it in the moment.

And I loved the resultant outcome of our show. It was possibly our most commercial yet but after the weak returns from the Living Dolls collection at retail, I was determined to get this one right. I mean, isn't it all about selling clothes in the end?

The twenty years showcase was also a fun retrospective to do. A big thank you to so many that often work with little or no payment to stage these events for us. Emma, Phoenix, Deb and their teams. I loved reviewing the pathway we have followed, and seeing it re-enacted was a wonderful testimony to so many that have made this company and my brand so successful.

Will I be back next year???? Hmmmm I just don't know.