Six more sleeps and it’s the big day again. The one that recognises the role that all of us Mums claim to be our best ever. Easy? No. But rewarding… most of the time. It’s the only role that we women have no qualifications for, yet play out daily to the best of our ability.
There’s no possibility of resignation and we simply learn as we go. Best practice and rule books? No. It’s all about gut instinct and absolute love.
My children are older now… 23 and 21years to be exact but they were very small when I began this company of mine 20 years ago. So how did I cope? What lessons did I learn? And where are the takeaways?
When Edward was born in January 1991 I was still working in someone else's company and, foolishly I chose not to take any time off work. I think I was back the following week and, incredibly, travelling internationally after a month. So obviously breast feeding went out the window. This was my one regret but for my supposed dedication there would have been so much wonderful bonding that I could have done with my son, should I have made a different decision.
So learn from this and regardless of how entrenched you are in your work , take time out to enjoy what will be one of the most connective times in your life. I couldn't believe that I could love someone so much. Yes girls… loving a man and loving a baby are two very different feelings.
Thankfully I did decide to take eight months off when I had Sam two years earlier. And whilst initially I didn't think that I would find enough to do, the days passed quickly in a wonderful haze as I just loved being a Mum!
In 1992 when I began my company, Edward was one year old. Given the premises were on our farm it was relatively easy to manage the Mum role as well as run this operation of mine. It was simply about strong time management.
There is plenty of work time that exists outside the 8 to 5 work day that will not impact on a kids routine. Yes I did have help in the house and with the kids but why not? For me it was about a quality of time with them; not a quantity.
I can remember very few moments when I should have been there and wasn't. In fact, quite the opposite. I believe that by developing my own interests I became a better Mum. I was able to add a lot more to their life; especially from the point of schooling and sport choices. Yep, I spent many an afternoon at the poolside watching the kids train, or at Sam's ballet class but I suppose the difference between me and the other Mums was that I always had a pile of work on hand. And why not? Otherwise it simply became dead time that I, in turn, was able to make so productive given that I had very little in the way of distractions. Yep, I took work everywhere… and I still do this today! The hairdresser especially makes for a good 30 minutes of productive time especially while a colour is processing!
My own development at the helm of this company of mine has enabled me to create a stronger environment to bring up my children as I become less emotive and simply deal with the challenges at hand with the development of my leadership skills. These skills have also crossed over into my parenting role. For me, it was always about instilling strong values into the kids, creating a strong role model for them and providing them with the tools to deal with life's challenges… given that you will never be able to ascertain just what life is going to throw at you.
In 2002 Sam and Edward had to deal with the death of their step-mum and friend, Kim. She was killed in a car accident leaving behind a two-year-old daughter. No one and nothing can prepare you for this and it truly was and still is one of the hardest moments I have ever had to deal with /support my children through. Even typing this, I still feel incredibly emotional as it was a huge time for all of us.
Something like this never goes away but it does become part of your life fabric and, inadvertently provides you with another coping mechanism should you ever need to revisit this space, God forbid!
There’s no possibility of resignation and we simply learn as we go. Best practice and rule books? No. It’s all about gut instinct and absolute love.
My children are older now… 23 and 21years to be exact but they were very small when I began this company of mine 20 years ago. So how did I cope? What lessons did I learn? And where are the takeaways?
When Edward was born in January 1991 I was still working in someone else's company and, foolishly I chose not to take any time off work. I think I was back the following week and, incredibly, travelling internationally after a month. So obviously breast feeding went out the window. This was my one regret but for my supposed dedication there would have been so much wonderful bonding that I could have done with my son, should I have made a different decision.
So learn from this and regardless of how entrenched you are in your work , take time out to enjoy what will be one of the most connective times in your life. I couldn't believe that I could love someone so much. Yes girls… loving a man and loving a baby are two very different feelings.
Thankfully I did decide to take eight months off when I had Sam two years earlier. And whilst initially I didn't think that I would find enough to do, the days passed quickly in a wonderful haze as I just loved being a Mum!
In 1992 when I began my company, Edward was one year old. Given the premises were on our farm it was relatively easy to manage the Mum role as well as run this operation of mine. It was simply about strong time management.
There is plenty of work time that exists outside the 8 to 5 work day that will not impact on a kids routine. Yes I did have help in the house and with the kids but why not? For me it was about a quality of time with them; not a quantity.
I can remember very few moments when I should have been there and wasn't. In fact, quite the opposite. I believe that by developing my own interests I became a better Mum. I was able to add a lot more to their life; especially from the point of schooling and sport choices. Yep, I spent many an afternoon at the poolside watching the kids train, or at Sam's ballet class but I suppose the difference between me and the other Mums was that I always had a pile of work on hand. And why not? Otherwise it simply became dead time that I, in turn, was able to make so productive given that I had very little in the way of distractions. Yep, I took work everywhere… and I still do this today! The hairdresser especially makes for a good 30 minutes of productive time especially while a colour is processing!
My own development at the helm of this company of mine has enabled me to create a stronger environment to bring up my children as I become less emotive and simply deal with the challenges at hand with the development of my leadership skills. These skills have also crossed over into my parenting role. For me, it was always about instilling strong values into the kids, creating a strong role model for them and providing them with the tools to deal with life's challenges… given that you will never be able to ascertain just what life is going to throw at you.
In 2002 Sam and Edward had to deal with the death of their step-mum and friend, Kim. She was killed in a car accident leaving behind a two-year-old daughter. No one and nothing can prepare you for this and it truly was and still is one of the hardest moments I have ever had to deal with /support my children through. Even typing this, I still feel incredibly emotional as it was a huge time for all of us.
Something like this never goes away but it does become part of your life fabric and, inadvertently provides you with another coping mechanism should you ever need to revisit this space, God forbid!
There have been so many highlights; so many moments that I have looked on with pride and huge amounts of love…
Sam's graduation: Yep, you could recognize her as she had the short white lace dress, high purple shoes, stockings that looked like suspenders and freshly dyed orange hair! It was a Bcom, not a fashion degree she was graduating with.
Her 21st birthday in Dunedin: During the speeches I discovered that she had won a wet tee shirt competition years earlier in Sydney!
Edward’s Gap year in America and the late night call when 11 of them had been kicked out of the Maine Camp: try sorting that when your son and several of his friends are facing a visa cancelation.
The call from Sam on Sept 4th, the day of the Christchurch earth quake: “Mum I don't want you to worry but I have just had a call from Edward’s friend that he was skiing with… Edward has had an accident. They are about to helicopter him off the mountain. Do not WORRY!!! How the hell do you not do that!
The laughter, the tears, the good times and the bad. It has simply been a role I have loved every damn day. It changes each year as they get older and I have embraced each and every stage. I had one objective and that was to create a balanced and empowering environment… to enable them to live a value driven life and make a difference to others as they went.
I have always wanted them to strive to be the best they can, to live their lives to the fullest and embrace risk… try stuff, taste stuff… never be afraid of failing. I have no need for them to be me, to follow in my footsteps… this is their life, their time, they must make their own decisions but I will always be right there beside them guiding and helping as they need.
Trust that you too can have both as a woman. You do not and will never have to choose. There is no guilt to be attached, to having your own vision and goals, no matter how small your children are. Never become an extension of your kids. They won't thank you for that; in fact, no one will. Live your life and accommodate them. It can only add to the life skills that you will give them and you will certainly be a lot more interesting to those around you.
It is so important that you create your own life balance first. Bringing up a family is very similar to leading a team. I am often walking a team member through a challenge to change a behavior in the same way that I would of a child of mine.
As we strive to increase diversity in the work place, especially in the leading roles that have been traditionally held by men, there has never been a better time for women to know and trust that we can have it all.
I love being a Mum. I will always be a Mum. And my two children, Sam and Edward will always be my greatest achievements!
Happy Mothers Day to all of you!
It is so important that you create your own life balance first. Bringing up a family is very similar to leading a team. I am often walking a team member through a challenge to change a behavior in the same way that I would of a child of mine.
As we strive to increase diversity in the work place, especially in the leading roles that have been traditionally held by men, there has never been a better time for women to know and trust that we can have it all.
I love being a Mum. I will always be a Mum. And my two children, Sam and Edward will always be my greatest achievements!
Happy Mothers Day to all of you!
A few words on being a mum from Ann Sherry, Jenny Shipley and Phoenix Renata...
"Being a mother has been my toughest challenge and my most rewarding. You always imagine you could do your mother job better, spend more time, bake better cakes, be more tolerant of dress codes and girlfriends. At the end of the day however, having kids who are confident and caring is one of life's great achievements."
Ann Sherry
Ann Sherry
When my son Ben was asked on national TV what he thought of my being Prime Minister, he looked at the camera with some disdain and said “She's just my mum.” It was one of the great compliments of my life.
In many respects my children are my own heartbeat as I walk the high and low points of their lives with them. I am immensely proud of them both and how they now manage as fine young New Zealanders. And now I have the glorious pleasure of sharing a next generation experience with them both as our son, Ben and his wife, Chelsea have produced our first
grandchild,Otis and our daughter, Anna and her husband, Andrew are lookingn forward to becoming parents later in the year.
That sense of investment, adoration, joy, anxiety and anticipation is everything about being a mother. Of all the roles I've held in my lifetime there is none that has bought me more joy and satisfaction, rewarded me more greatly and inspired me to continue to try to shape a future from which they will benefit as a generation.
Jenny Shipley
Being a mum is hard work! Its a job that is never done, always educational and I wouldn't change it for the world. It’s not until you have a baby yourself that you realise the lifelong committment and sacrifces it takes to be a mum. You understand what unconditional love means and finally understand what being a woman is all about. For me, Mother’s Day is not only a day to spend quality time with my daughter but to celebrate and give thanks to my mother, and grandmothers for all of the hard work, sacrifices and love they have shown to me.
Phoenix Renata
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