Are you the sacrificial lamb in your relationship?

Never has there been a more important time for women to think about how they can have it all.

 

The Westpac Women of Influence Awards last week certainly showed a line-up of capable New Zealand women - most with children and partners living their dream. Many spoke of how their children were and would always be their greatest achievements and acknowledged their partners in their thanks. 

It truly is time for those women that dream of a different life to start making steps towards it. I sat beside a woman at an event last week who had put her career on hold while her children were young. Her man however had carte blanche to establish his pathway as they moved regularly in pursuit of his dream. It was alarming to hear the dissatisfaction in her voice.

I question how you can truly give your best to the mother/partner role when the resentment starts to creep in. This woman's question to me however was, ‘how do you do it? How do you can have what you have and still have the family and partnership functioning as well?’

GUILT. 

I have none. I trust myself to execute all my rolls well. Sure I have had to become extremely good at time management but like any great athlete I simply push myself to the limits so that I can have it all. Sure it takes time to become good and a truckload of practice but you will eventually get the gold medal.

In my latest book, Rock the Boat I implore women to exist as their own sect; in their own entirety. We are not and will never be an extension of a male, or a child. I can say my children are my greatest achievement; that doesn’t mean they have to be my only achievement.  

I’ve never experienced the guilt that some women feel about being a working mum. I think that is because I am so comfortable in my own skin. The guilt trip is the absolute hand-brake for most women and it is so unnecessary.

Women need to believe that they can have it all! We simply need to establish ourselves as a separate entity first and create the person you want to be without any of the guilt ties to family or partners.

2013 Women of Influence Award Winners:

Supreme Winner and Board & Management category winner: New Zealand's 2015 Cricket World Cup Head, Therese Walsh
Regional & Local Influencers winner: Former Wellington Mayor, Fran Wilde
Innovation & Science winner: Academic and former MP, Marilyn Waring
Community Service & Social Enterprise winner: Affirming Works founder, Emeline Afeaki-Mafile'o
Business Entrepreneur winner: Chen Palmer co-founder, Mai Chen
Emerging Leader winner: Computer programming lecturer at Unitec, Mahsa Mohaghegh