Leaving the legacy in life rather than in death

The last few months have truly been my annus horribilis but I guess that… 

 if it doesn’t kill you, it simply makes you stronger!!! 

I truly now see death as a very real part of the daily lives that we live and given I seem to have been surrounded by it in the last few months I certainly have had time to reflect on how to cope and move forward and make some changes in my life.
I wanted to share some of these thoughts via this blog.

There have been so many wonderful people that have surrounded and supported me during this difficult time and I certainly see that we all deal so differently with loss and challenges.
Whether it be the loss of a pet or a human, it will always be about the level of connection and relationship that you had, rather than whether it is human or animal... so I guess it’s okay to compare.
  

Planning my father's funeral last week certainly gave me some wonderful insights to the industry of death and some points of reflection that I'd like to pass on…

There is truly no point to hurry to get someone to their final destination; burnt or buried.
It is important to take time. Often in celebrating the life that is gone we will fail to do justice to the life they have had, so why rush the process; especially amidst our grief.
Our family decided to take 10 days to plan Dad’s funeral and each and every day new things came to the fore that in turn became part of the celebration of Dad's life.
It gave us time to involve all those that had been close to him in the funeral planning process, seek out some wonderful images of the life that he'd enjoyed to show on the day and consider the content of the order of service (which we added to constantly). So many of the family were able to visit Dad in the funeral home and say a final goodbye.
I was honoured to deliver the main eulogy. This also grew every day with new content and memories as the family had endless conversations on the man he was to us and these continued throughout the week.
I honestly believe that we did an excellent job of celebrating who Dad was to so many and enabling all that were close to him to contribute to the ultimate farewell.

Other thoughts that I have had have been driven by the reading of Dad’s Will. Sure he has left us all a small nest egg but one that he will never get to see us all spend and enjoy. He will never share any of the milestones that are earned from the money that he has shared on his death.

I am a big believer of leaving the legacy in my lifetime and looking at how the income that I have generated can perhaps help others that surround and are important to me while I am alive.
I am loving being part of the fruits of this, seeing the very real achievements, milestones and successes of those that I have decided to assist.
Sure I will always need to be aware of my time frame on this earth, making sure that I endeavour to provide for this and others that I will need to look after but there are many of us that could chose to make a bigger difference in our lifetime than we are now by sharing some of our time knowledge and available income… certainly worth giving it some thought!

So what does a lesbian look like?

Major catwalk wedding to dispel stereotypes

“Does a woman have to have a stereotype look to fit the gay mould?”
This is the question New Zealand based fashion designer, Annah Stretton asks as she aims to quash stereotypes associated with female same-sex couples. 
Through her campaign, Come on Oz, Say I Do, Annah has offered one female couple the opportunity to join in her crusade to celebrate the new legalisation that enables same sex couples to marry in New Zealand from the 19th of August this year and encourage the politicians to make the same law change in neighbouring Australia. 
Brooklyn Edwards and Nicole Dean have been announced as the winners and will be married on the catwalk as part of Annah’s New Zealand Fashion Weekend show.
The couple were picked from a huge entry pool of same sex women and on September 7^th will be married in front of 1000 guests at the Viaduct Events Centre in Auckland.
“In choosing Brooklyn and Nicole, amongst other things, I wanted to dispel the stereotypes around what a female gay couple should look like,” Annah explains. “Brooklyn and Nicole look like any other girly girls – they do not take on a masculine and feminine role as is often believed of gay female couples.”
Brooklyn agrees saying, “We have been criticized by people for not looking ‘cliché gay’. We think it’s ridiculous to follow stereotypes. Gay people can present themselves any way they wish. There isn’t a code that dictates how we should look! For example people think it’s odd that we are both feminine.”
Annah believes that with these stereotypes there are often preconceived ideas around why women choose to be in same-sex relationships.
“Some people think that women ‘turn gay’ because of a bad experience with a male or men simply finding them unattractive. Brooklyn and Nicole are the perfect couple to dispel this. 
We were looking for a couple that had been in a relationship for a good length of time, who were committed and had a strong future ahead of them. Brooklyn and Nicole are perfect ambassadors for what we are wanting to achieve both with the fashion show and the messages we want to send. Any man would be more than happy to be in a relationship with either of these gorgeous women.”
Victoria based, Brooklyn owns modelling agency, Brazen Talent and her American fiancé, Nicole, who works in client services at a finance company have been together for nearly 3 years.
“We actually fell in love before we saw each other in person,” says Brooklyn who tells how the couple met on the same-sex American dating site, Pink Cupid.
In March 2013, despite not being legally permitted to marry in Australia the pair became engaged.
“Both of us dated guys our whole lives and tried very hard to make that work but deep down we both knew we were meant to be with women,” Brooklyn explains. “We were miserable with men as we tried to be people we weren’t. Both of us were scared of what people would think and we wanted to be ‘normal’.
With the help of Brooklyn and Nicole, Annah’s absolute goal is to change the stigma that attaches to gay females in relationships.
“I have worked alongside women who have chosen to keep their sexuality a secret because they know they will be disadvantaged in their business and life connections. Gay men simply don’t have this problem. They are accepted for their same sexual preferences yet many women still find it very difficult to come out fearing the prejudices 
“It’s time to change these preconceived ideas that attach to gay women in relationships – across their social circles, workplaces and families.”

About Come on Oz, Say I do
'Come on Oz, Say I do,' is a campaign launched by New Zealand fashion designer Annah Stretton in-conjunction with Fashion Weekend, to help Australia say 'I do' at this year’s coming election. In a wedding to top all weddings, Annah is giving one lucky female same sex Australian couple a wedding of their dreams on the catwalk at Fashion Weekend in front of a crowd of 1000 fashionistas and supporters of same sex marriage this coming September 7th.   
For more information visit www.comeonoz.com
Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/comeonozsayido
For more about Annah Stretton visit: www.annahstretton.com
View Annah on the catwalk here http://bit.ly/14XQWxH

Why my father is boycotting Gillette

Can one voice really make a difference?  And are we ever really one voice with the massive amount of digital reach that can occur when one is passionate about a cause?

I am not so sure in my father’s case, where at nearly 80 years of age and well and truly ensconced in a rest home, he's decided to grow a beard. Yep, it certainly doesn’t have the Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean effect, although the length seems to be heading that way. The reason? He's decided that Gillette’s 2005 sale to Proctor and Gamble at a princely sum of $57 billion (USD) is simply too much money by anyone’s terms, so he's decided to stop buying their product and consequently stop shaving. The caregivers at the home aren't too fussed … just another job they don't have to do.

It’s unusual to look at my father with a beard. I don't think he's ever had one and I possibly suspect that it’s more about it being just a lot easier not to have to go through the whole shaving drama twice a week.

 At Dad's age, his absolutely principled stands are more endearing than anything else. I have many memories of him taking to the public platform to air his voice, his vehicle of choice often his local paper, and they obliged many times by publishing the musings of a frustrated academic in their letters to the editor. 

Check this extract out ... it certainly makes you think.

‘John Key as I suggest, is under stress traveling around the country trying to be everyone’s friend. His comments that Liz Hurley is hot and prancing on the catwalk, are strange for a Prime Minister. In addition, he wants to sell our prime assets to overseas buyers and wants to restrict access for Kiwis to our beaches. He defends the purchase of 34 $200,000 BMW'S which is grossly extravagant in regard to the economy. He says living on the employment benefit can be done. Frankly, I think he has lost the plot. I wonder what is coming next.’

I suppose most people simply get on and accept the status quo, rarely putting a voice to their thoughts as one women did the other day when she emailed me to express her disgust with the gollywog dolls that I had for sale on my website ... not that I'd given too much thought to them as they certainly weren't a revenue earner for us, a passing fancy many months ago and I can't even remember why I bought them.

I suppose my actions in deleting them from the site where more in reward to her tenacity. They offended her and I really didn't need them ... good on her for finding her voice.  

My only comment in retrospect would be when you do pluck up the courage to approach someone to drive a change, try data and reason first, and never threaten or issue an ultimatum. You will get a much better result.

 So one voice can't make a difference? I’m not so sure about that. If you are going to eat an elephant, and the proposed dogs and party pill testing in NZ that I am so passionate about surely is an elephant, then take one bite at a time. And that's exactly what all those impassioned NZers are doing, as they take to all of the available platforms to express their support and disgust. 

So you don't have to be in the Branson club to drive real change, you simply have to be passionate about the cause, remember to find your voice and never be afraid to use it, always be informed (get the facts) and don't give a damn what others will think!

We can't all belong to the shrinking violets club. 

People who think that they are crazy enough to change the world are often the ones that do.